Apr 1, 2011

P3 Project: Day 14 of 1400 - Temperature Control 2 [Boiling Points]

We'll start with the venting of pressure first and then we'll get into the reason behind the pressure. I've just about had it with a lot of people and their bloody opinions of me and what I'm doing, what I've done and how I'm going to do things in the future. I'm tired of not being able to make the simplest of things happen when other people are allowed to make me feel inferior, like a heel, like everything in the universe is my fault, like I'm a disappointment (which, by the way is the single strongest thing that you can say to me or the worse things I can hear in your voice) or generally make me feel like shit. Listen, I do a great job kicking myself. I do not need your help kicking me when I'm doing it myself. Seriously. And now for the inevitable question that some poor unsuspecting bastard is going to ask me...

"Why are you getting so upset?" Simple question, right? Only if you want to hear the answer.

I am learning a very important lesson here and I need you to pay attention. Here's how this works: I have a short fuse. I get very irritated, very quickly and I'm don't know how to control that yet. Yet there are some things that maybe I just don't get and maybe I'm looking at them the wrong way entirely. But, until it's cleared up, here's what I got:

  • I am not allowed to be aggravated around my father because he doesn't understand it. I was in this same boat a year ago and I wasn't pissed off then, why get irritated now?
  • I can't say what's really on my mind to some people because others have held things against them and made them feel like their being attacked, so I should keep my issues, problems or irritations regarding them to myself so as not to be labeled as the "same as everyone else."
  • Nothing that I get bent out of shape about is worth me getting bent out of shape over as they've had it so much worse than I have and they aren't annoyed about anything, so what gives me the right to be annoyed?
  • I can't raise my voice at anyone because I don't like it when people raise their voice at me. Even if the person in question is raising their voice to make that point.
  • I'm supposed to keep my nose out of other people's business and not ask questions about things that I find suspect as it's none of my business. Except the fact that the reason that a person is in their position is directly or indirectly because of me.
  • I'm supposed to be psychic, perfect (I'm getting there on that one, no cute comments) and understanding of everything that's done, but not expect the same in return. Or hell, expect some other simple things as well. I am expected to live with my insecurities because that's just the way it is.

Okay, well news flash, this is not the way it's going to be. We're going to start laying some ground rules and get some things straight right here and now. I am doing this project to become perfect, not because I already am perfect. All of the above things aren't gonna happen anytime soon. I have the faith that this won't apply to many people, or hell it may not come up because people don't want to know if they're on this list but the truth of the matter is this:
If you can't deal with that or try to meet me half way on the things that may apply to you, I'm sorry to say...

There's the door.

1 comment:

  1. You know you said I wasnt following these but im reading them I just dont wanna click the follower thing cause I gotta make some account thing.