Apr 19, 2011

P3 Project: Day 31 of 1400 - Progress Involves Risk

So it's been said that there is nothing more satisfying than the completion of a goal. I'm not sure about the satisfaction factor but I do know that I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. But, as nice as it feels to have that weight removed, there is still work to be done, things that need to be accomplished. So, to all those who don't know, I have a car. Why was there no big triumphant post about it? Well there's much more to the story than just that.

Come inside, it's raining out here and I'll tell you all about it...

So last week was hectic. Elsa left on Thursday morning and I began my frantic task of getting a car. We had a great lunch on Wednesday and she met my co-workers (even the ones that I'd have rather not introduced her to but I digress) and although she was leaving, I was distracted slightly with the thoughts that by this time next week, I should be driving. So many questions, thoughts, and scenarios flying through my head it was hard to focus on almost anything. But I had my insurance Friday afternoon and my car Saturday. However, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

I went to pick up Elli from the Airport, my mind filled of thoughts of how our reunion would go and after retrieving her, I was excited to escort her to my car and prepare to chauffeur her around and while on the expressway, the car died. No warning, just died. It did this four more times before I got her safely home. Now although I never lost the firm grip on my temper, I was seething under the surface. But I had to press on and get everything I needed to get this car working, after all, it was my car and the only person who was directly effected by this was me. So I did my research and got a second and third opinion and determined what the actual root cause of the problem was. At the time of writing this, I know what part I need and it's a $200+ dollar part... not exactly happy about that but it's to be expected with a used car. What more can I say?

On to other subjects, Thunder was an awesome show this year and I took my nephew with me to go see it. It was almost like having my own son and although it was an enjoyable show, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of parent I'd be when I do have kids. Would I be a good parent, understanding and kind, firm yet fair and reasonable? Or would I be a disciplinarian, strict and calculating and leave the emotional growth and support to my wife? I've been spending a lot of time thinking about that and my life and my future and this Project is more than the answer to a question. It's my hope for the future. It's the only way that I can face and finally defeat my demons and the doubts that I have as a person about myself and my friendships and my relationship. I need this to work, need to become this perfect version of myself because I'm not sure what the alternatives are.

I'm not usually one to accept change. I realize that it's a part of life, but I also know that change can be a frightening, violent thing and that at its core, change is the death of one part of your life and the birth of another. But with all of the things going on, I have to ask myself, Can I survive these changes? Where will they lead me? And most importantly, what will I lose to achieve this change? Are the sacrifices worth the risks? And what am I willing to sacrifice to maintain my happiness or is it destined to slip away in the midst of the violent seas of change and progress that I find myself adrift in?

To quote one of my favorite bands, "No One Knows..."

No comments:

Post a Comment