I've heard the argument. It's not an uncommon one. Battle of the sexes, War of the Roses. The age old fight for not dominance, but to communicate and coexist together. The fights take many forms, a missed call or a secretive text. Sometimes, it's a full blown war due to a simple lack of communication and all of the messy, dirty conversations and arguments that stem from it. It's all the same. But I feel that something needs to be said regarding this battle:
Fellas, we are not equipped to win this war. Sorry to tell you all this, but it's a simple fact of life. Why?
Because we are not capable of sharing what we think, good, bad or indifferent to the opposite sex. And truth be told, this entire war is our fault.
I will take your questions now.
So, here's what it comes down to. Ladies, let me clarify somethings up front first so that the rest of this conversation makes some semblance of sense:1. We men have the same levels of uncertainty, doubt and fear that you ladies to when it comes to life, the universe and everything. Relationships are especially bad for us, because we have no idea what you think about them. It's easy to say that "My girl's happy because she told me so" but for a man, it's not a happy or unhappy. There are degrees. Hell, people can appear to be happy with you for years and then one day, out of the blue, sit you down and say, "This isn't working out."
Which, for the record feels like getting kissed on the forehead with a ten pound sledgehammer, no matter if you're a guy or girl.
For example, if you want to know that I'm right or you don't believe that your boyfriend, husband, or significant other has any doubts of how you feel about him, sit down next to him, snuggle up close to him and with a smile on your face, look him in the eye and say these words:
"Honey, we need to talk."
Now, watch as the color drains from their face. Watch their breathing change and their body stiffen.
But don't tell them I told you to do that. They'll have me assassinated.
Those simple words, can take the most sturdily built man and reveal the cracks in his confidence in your feelings for him faster that five pounds of C4 on concrete.
But, it's not because we don't have faith that you're telling us that you're happy. It's because we can't read you. For females to be the "emotional" sex, they can keep personal secrets locked up tighter than Fort Knox at dusk. It's not a failing, it's the emotional defense mechanism for most women, because for every good guy that they date, there have been seven others who have cheated, abused, hit, lied, and otherwise hurt them in some way or another. It's not wonder that most women think that men are the root of all evil. At times, we can be.
However, that leads me to my next point...
2. For every good girl that a guy has dated, there have been countless others that have damaged him. The techniques are not the same, it's not being hit, or abused. It's not being lied to or anything else like that the causes the same damage. The male ego, however large as it may be, is a very fragile thing. Sometimes, it can be damaged by the slightest thing. A disappointed glance, a exasperated sigh or appeared indifference can hurt as bad as any punch. Why don't most women understand that? Well, it's because...
3. Men do not know how to share our feelings. Us sharing comes in some only three forms. Too much, not enough, or "retard humping a doorknob" effectiveness. That's pretty much it. Either we can't share enough, we share too much or at the wrong time, or we spend too much time stumbling around and beating around the bush that we can never get to the damned point.
Ladies, understand this. We of the male species are idiots from time to time. We don't always know the right words to say. We may not always notice a new haircut, or that you got your nails done. We may not always remember anniversaries or the significance of a particular building, song, or date. But we do know that we all love you, in one way or another. We know when you're hurt, upset, or sad and we know that each of us would die for you before we'd let you come to harm. Emotional or physical. We'd take a bullet, dress up in the most ridiculous clothes and make a complete fool of ourselves for your happiness. Just remember...
Cut us some slack. When we say "I do" (or whatever equivalent to your stage of relationship) we are leaping off of a cliff, blindfolded, into the Unknown. We don't ever regret the journey, the leap or the exhilaration of falling head-over-heels in love with you. There's actually only two things that cross our minds, no matter the guy and no matter the girl:
I believe that she's jumping beside me, taking the plunge with me, holding my hand as we fall.
And the second? God, I hope I can fly...