May 14, 2011

P3 Project: Day 51 of 1400 - Coming Down the Home Stretch

Okay, I admit it. Sometimes, I am wrong. Not often but sometimes. I also believe that it is fair to look toward past experiences in order to predict future endeavors. Not only that but I also normally am a firm believer in the mantra of assuming the worse. That way, there's a small chance that I'll be pleasantly surprised when things don't go horribly wrong. This was one of those instances that I was wrong. I don't like to admit it, but I was flat-out wrong. What exactly am I babbling about? Well, sit down, take a load off and I'll tell you all about it.

But just know, that part of what I'm going to tell you is horse shit.

So, for those of you who don't know: in Kentucky, on the first weekend in May, The Kentucky Derby is run at Churchhill Downs. It's a two minute horse race, if that, that throws this whole damn city into a frenzy of activity and all kinds of other events like a parade, steamboat races, hot-air balloon races, a full and half marathon and a million other smaller events. And as great as all that was, I only had one problem with the Derby:
Relationship-wise, it almost always sucked. Period. Point-blank.

Now, don't get me wrong, I do need to clarify something from a previous post. I said Friday that the Derby is always bad for relationships for me. Now, when I was with the Ex (Names have been left out to protect the idi- innocent) we didn't argue any more or less on Derby, but she never really wanted to go anywhere anyway so the Derby curse was overshadowed by a slightly larger problem of our constant arguing on a regular day anyway. However, we did have our fair share of bad Derby moments but I digress.

This year, I planned to just spend a quiet night in with my girlfriend, maybe watch a movie and avoid the horse related shit (get it, horse shit? lol, lame...) and hope that the day went past without any drama, hoopla, or anything else.

It's been said that you can't win them all. But apparently, you can't lose them all either.

Instead of my quiet avoidance of the Derby activities, I was confronted with the fact that my Father and Step-family were going to have their annual Derby barbecue and there was going to be no avoiding it for me. My girlfriend was going to take me to her Grandparents house for their annual Derby celebration. And my girlfriend was going to go out with her girls to Fourth Street Live to hang out at Hotel nightclub on Derby night.

Now, I could lie to you and tell you that I was a completely at peace with that idea. But, if you knew the people going, and some of their... more tarnished track records... you'd understand why in the darkest corners of my mind, any insecurities were screaming like banshees. However, as always I have to practice what I preach and I preach patience, faith and trust. The problem: it wasn't her or any of her friends that I didn't trust.

It was the mass of people, some of which I used to hang out with that would see Derby as a time to forget everything (including that they're dating another person) and the army of stupid people that would do anything to get the attention of a group (I believe there were a total of four people in my girl's entourage) of attractive females.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not a ball of confidence like many people suspect. I joke that my ego is large and "visible from space with the naked eye" but at the same time it's as fragile as sugar glass. I have my insecurities and my own issues that I'm wrestling with. However, as I've learned, sometimes people can dispel those insecurities simply by just being themselves.

The entire night, while out with her girlfriends, Elli texted me and talked to me while I hung out at home with the family, and never once did I ever get the impression that she wasn't completely happy and safe with the girls. And when it came up afterwards that a person that I wouldn't have wanted her to have to deal with was in attendence, she told her sister (who was attempting to usher her far away from the guy) that she was fine and that he didn't bother her.

So with all of that being said, I'm looking forward to next year's Kentucky Derby festival as I will be in a better position, and who knows: I may even throw a Derby party myself...

...don't hold your breath though. ;)

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