May 25, 2011

P3 Project: Day 68 of 1400 - Enemy of my Enemy

Okay, this goes out to some very specific people out there who will probably know who they are once they read it. Or at least, they should know. I feel that I'll be getting a lot of text messages and phone calls later today, but if you take the time to read this, you should be able to fully understand what I'm attempting to say here.

Everyone knows the phrase, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." Well, I submit for your approval:

What if you're your own worst enemy?

Let that sink in for a second... still sinking? Okay, I'll give you some time. I'm gonna go grab a cup of coffee...

Okay, now that I'm back (and I can smell the burning plastic from here), I'll explain. There's only one thing that every person should every aspire to obtain: Happiness. Not for others, but for yourself first. And don't give me any of that, making other people makes me happy because that's bullshit and you and I both know it, right?

Good. Now that we're in agreement about that fact, let me show you what the first step is:

Stay the hell out of your own way!

Lately, I've seen way too many of my friends doing things that are completely detrimental to their own happiness for no real good reason other than the fact that they don't know any better. Here's my advice. If things are going great, stop poking at them until they're not. As its been said, if you keep knocking at the Devil's Door, eventually someone is going to answer. And it won't be pretty. I know that in some cases, it's a case of simple conditioning but the excuse of, "Every other ______ did ______ so this ______ is going to do it too" is completely null and void. Which brings me to my next point and this is for those out there in relationships:

Bloody relax!

I understand every one has their hangups about something, be it physical, mental, or emotional. But you have to believe that the person that you're with is not out to hurt you intentionally. It may happen unintentionally (and for my ladies, realize that we guys aren't always the most adept at deciphering your messages and body language) but it is unintentional. Please look that word up if you don't know. If you have a particular hang up about yourself, be it physical, mental, emotional, then there are two options: Fix it or forget it. But don't do it because you think it'll make someone like you more, or love you harder or any of that other stupid stuff. Do it for you. You and only you. Now, ladies, let's also make one thing clear and this is true for the vast majority of us. If we are dating, engaged, married, or whatever the case may be and we have a moment where we see you and want to get down and worship the ground you walk on for a minute, just let us. We don't have those urges often and when we do, if you shoot us down, we'll get those urges less and less. It may not be that grandios but that also goes for compliments. As a for instance:

I have a friend who's dating this particular girl. The girl has longish hair, however, she keeps it under very tight control which is fine for her job. Well, a couple of locks of it came loose throughout the day and when he saw her, he has the irresistible urge to just play with her hair. When he reached out for it, she immediately exclaimed, "Don't do that, my hair is a mess! And I've been working all day so it probably stinks" and proceeded to move away from him. Well, the guy stopped and after that moment, he never attempted to do that again. He later confided in me that with her hair falling down like that reminded him of when they first met and he remembered he hooking her hair behind her ear and that was the moment that his fear of rejection was dwarfed by the thought of not being with her and he asked her out that night.

When a guy remembers that kind of detail over something so trivial, trust me it's a great thing.

So when we want to spend time with you, hug you, cuddle with you, and generally have some sort of physical contact with you, don't shut us down with some silly excuse because we, in the moment, only want one thing in life and that's the touch of the woman that they love. Guys, same rules apply. Build a bridge and get over it when she wants to cuddle when you're at home alone and you're watching the game and she wants to just sit in your lap. If you happen to miss something that big, it will be on SportsCenter that night... deal with it.

Now, this leads me to my last point and that is simply this:

The only person that can stop you from being happy is yourself. In most cases, our fears, inhibitions, and (perceived) shortcomings are keeping us from have life-changing moments simply because we're standing in our own way. Live a little. Have fun.  Love someone. Allow yourself to let go. Dance naked in the rain. Skinny dip with your lover. Surprise someone with a kind gesture. And above all else, remember that if you're your own worst enemy, then the enemy of your enemy (yourself) is your friend.

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